This morning, I really felt like giving up. “Giving up” doesn’t just include eating all day, every day. It means not going anywhere…avoiding folks…backing out of going to a double family reunion in Gatlinburg. I’m already in the pit, I wanted to slide wayyyy back in the lowest crevice and hole up in hopelessness, discouragement and despair for good.
Instead, I called Mom and she prayed for me. I prayed for myself.
I read David’s words: I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD, be of good courage, and he will strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord. (Ps 27)
And
I waited patiently for the LORD, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. Be pleased, O LORD to deliver me, make haste to help me. (Ps 40)
I reread a poem I wrote in 2009:
No Survivor Am I
My worth isn’t measured by my current condition,
Opinions of others, or my present position.
Though my foot may slip, I am not incomplete,
My failures are never my final defeat.
By God’s grace, I’ll dance though the fire,
Knowing by faith I’ll not drown in the mire.
A survivor is never what I shall be
But a powerful overcomer for others to see.
My suffering, I’ll know, was never in vain,
Seeing someone’s miracle brought out of my pain.
My destiny isn’t sealed by today’s situation,
For my current position is not my final destination.
So, instead of giving up, I’m joining Loretta’s club.
I can do this.
I needed that this morning; so thank you for posting your poem (I think I have read this before?) and the scripture! Great (I almost used the word awesome) that you decided to call your mom and talk with her and she prayed for you; that was a very wise thing to do.! I'll have to check out what Loretta's club is later today.
ReplyDeletewith God on our side, we can do this indeed
betty
This post brought tears to my eyes, Margaret.
ReplyDeleteProbably because everything in it (except the mom part) struck home. I know what that kind of giving up is like, although I've never labelled it as that. I think of that whole withdrawal thing more as reverting to type and seeking shelter from the slaps. :}
In the best of circumstances, getting out there is an effort for me, so when I'm feeling wounded or defeated--well, the pit I crawl into can get deep and dark.
Those Scriptures are ones that have soothed and strengthened my heart often. And I LOVED the poem.
I came to the spot in this weight loss extravaganze not too long ago when some of the feeling in your poem hit home. I'd had enough. (It's in the post that was Part 3 of my Binge Sanctuary trilogy. The one about my new plan.)
I don't know that the reader heard the message your poem holds, but that same feel expressed in some of yur words above was in my heart when I wrote it.
Anyway, welcome to the club! :D
Deb
Fantastic post. I'm so glad you have decided to join "the club." We will have this feeling from time to time and you are choosing not to succumb. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteI am going to print that poem and put it in my room.
ReplyDeleteFrom one who was recently on the verge of 'Giving up' Thank you for that.
ReplyDelete