This morning, I had a moment of panic when I realized that, yet again, I was beginning the day with food obsession.
It’s almost laughable that it’s another Monday, and it’s another start day for me. Starting what, I am not sure, but I know that I will not continue on the same path. There’s no more Valentines or birthdays, so February 28 is a good day to get started.
On the way to work, in the midst of my obsessing, I talked to God about it. All the way to work. And I passed Jack’s and two McDonalds and didn’t stop…that’s a good start.
I could be distressed and depressed that I’m no closer to where I want to be than January 1, but I choose to remember that I do have people who love me, no matter what size I am. I couldn’t always conjure that thought up, but today, I know that people do like me. It’s amazing, in a sad kind of way, the many years I spent convinced that no one liked me simply because of the way I looked…and some of those years I wasn’t even fat. I still fight that feeling at times, but I have to face the fact that it’s probably more truth in the fact that I still don’t like myself much of the time.
I should clarify…I don’t like the way I am. I don’t like my weaknesses. My constant giving in to temptation without so much as an attempt to fight. I’m ashamed of the way I look, so I avoid a lot of events that I probably would have enjoyed.
But today, I’m not going to dwell on the negatives of my situation. The positive is that I will not binge today. I will find something else to think about when the obsession starts. Taking thoughts captive…
2 Corinthians 10:5 “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he:”
Today.
That’s all I have to deal with right now.
Thanks for this, Margaret. I have most of a post written to put up tomorrow after I have my monthly weigh-in. I know I'll be hugely up in weight. I weigh almost daily--I just officially post once a month.
ReplyDeleteMy post is entirerly negative. I am disgusted with myself and discouraged. I had originally written the post with a "humorous" slant, but by the end, I decided that there was NOTHING funny about gaining 8 pounds in a week, so I redid it--writing it in "the brutal truth" slant.
I dunno. After reading this post of yours, perhaps it'll get a third rewrite. Not now, tho. I've not yet arrived at your level of not negative and still have my feet in the slough of despond.
Soldiering on, tho. You're a good example. Thanks.
Deb
I keep on plugging but still have my days too.
ReplyDeletethe pastor at the church we went to yesterday said something that I have been thinking a lot about today. He said we are in control of our script, i.e. how we choose to live our life, not to be confused with putting our will in front of God's will for us, but how we deal with situations. Do we write the script of bitterness or do we write the script of forgiveness and joy? Do we write the script of anxiety or do we write the script of trust? Do we write the script of how we might feel about ourselves or do we write the script on how God feels about us and who we are in his eyes, etc. (you get the point). We are in control of our actions as we trust God with control of our lives (if that makes sense).
ReplyDeletecontinue to "soldier on"; you know God is for you, not against you. continue to look to him. I know he won't let you down
betty
just to let you know that i've been praying for ya...one day at a time...and remember...He has given us the spirit of power, love, and self control! i'm claiming that..and that you will walk in the freedom He has given, one day at a time...this day! i have days that i don't do so well, but i'm not giving up! and neither will you. you are special and soooo loved by many, many, many ppl!!!! but....you are not mom's favorite, that falls to me. hehehe
ReplyDelete